Saturday 21 June 2014

Stepping out

     So after talking with Trevor the other day, I realized I need to step out and try to connect more with other parents.  Which I discovered today is going to have its challenges. A is 6 months now and the days of laying around all day nursing are behind us. She needs stimulation and community and other babies to interact with.

     We've been in a routine since she was about 2 months old where we wake up in the morning to snuggle and nurse. Then she plays on her mat for a bit while I try to get some cleaning done or shower.  Then she nurses again and naps a bit snuggled up to me.  By then it's usually just before noon so I get her ready, herd the dogs out of the apartment and down the stairs (elevator is broken) and get everyone into the van and drive to the off leash dog park for an hour before heading home and having a quick lunch before putting A down for a nap.

     It occurred to me this week that A's needs are changing.  Taking her out in her carrier to the dog park as our outing for the day isn't enough stimulation for her anymore.  

     So this morning I packed A up in the stroller and took her down the street to the neighborhood house for their family drop in. She loved it. When we got there, there was snack being served and I ended up seeing a woman that I had met a couple years ago at an early childhood education workshop.  

     And this is when I was reminded that my journey of being an out and proud Mapa did not end with me coming out to people while I was pregnant.  I was also reminded that it's not just my journey anymore. It's also Autumns journey and It's our family journey.

     The woman I ran into knows me in the context of childcare work and assumed at first that I was A's nanny.  She was there with 3 children from her home daycare.  I explained that A was my daughter and that I am the stay at home parent. I realized my 'passing filter' was kicking in.  My old faithful from my 8 years of passing before my pregnancy. This is when I start to talk about myself and edit and omit and thing that would connect to my trans identity. 

"How long have you been her nanny?"  The woman asked. 

"Oh...this is my daughter" I replied.

"Ooooh..."  said the woman "So you work some days and your wife works the other days?"

This is when I paused.  I could have said "Actually my husband works full time, I am the stay at home parent".

I didn't though.  I answered "Actually I am the stay at home parent".  By not correcting her, I let her assume I was strait and cis-gendered.  It's like wearing an invisibility cloak. 

A will never remember this interaction which is good.  I'm going to have to practice inviting being out to people.  That starts with opening up and saying things that might possibly lead people to ask questions like "Oh your husband! So...did you adopt?"  Which is when I would reply "No we didn't adopt, I am transgendered and I carried and gave birth to my daughter".  So next time I have the opportunity to do this, I will.  And then, I will blog about it! Promise ;) 

Until next time...

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